Final Destination: Bloodlines
Tony Todd as William Bludworth in Final Destination: Bloodlines
If death had a sense of humour, it would write Final Destination: Bloodlines.
Final Destination: Bloodlines delivers exactly what fans expect: a symphony of over-the-top kills, anxiety-inducing near-misses, and dialogue so clichéd you’ll laugh harder than you scream. If you’re here for the franchise’s signature gruesome creativity, buckle up. If you’re here for deep storytelling… maybe just enjoy the exploding bodies instead.
A Killer Opening — Literally
The film kicks off with a gloriously chaotic 1968 premonition, set to Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire and The Isley Brothers’ Shout, because nothing says impending doom like vintage bangers. This time, the franchise plays a sneaky trick: the opening massacre unfolds long before the premonition reveal, making us believe we’ve just witnessed an entire crowd wiped out in one fell swoop. It's a rare moment of genuine narrative surprise in a series that usually telegraphs its punches.
When we’re then introduced to the modern-day link, Stefani’s (Kaitlyn Santa Juana) recurring nightmares about the Skytower disaster, it ties the past to the present in a way that feels fresh(ish).
The Deaths Are the Star (and They Know It)
Of course, the real star is the gore. Bodies explode, fingers deglove, and a lawnmower makes a skull its new best friend. Final Destination: Bloodlines is a buffet of brutality, and the kills are ludicrously inventive, leaning hard into the franchise’s darkly comedic tone. But here’s the rub: the VFX look pretty dodgy and practical effects are barely invited to the party, but the inventiveness of each death scene keeps the ride screaming forward.
Characters You’ll Cheer for… to Die
Let’s be real: nobody watches Final Destination for the emotional depth. Final Destination: Bloodlines doubles down on disposable characters with dialogue so cheesy it could kill a lactose-intolerant person. When Darlene meets her (spectacularly brutal) end, her kids’ grief feels as authentic as a Kraft Single. But honestly? That’s part of the charm. You’re not rooting for survival, you’re waiting to see who gets mulched next.
Brec Bassinger as young Iris Campbell in Final Destination: Bloodlines
Thankfully, Tony Todd’s William Bludworth swoops in like the eerie, monologuing angel of death we’ve missed. His presence, along with nostalgic nods to Final Destination 2’s Kimberly Corman and iconic franchise deaths (yes, the log truck makes a cameo), gives longtime fans that warm, morbid tingle.
Anxiety, Nostalgia & the Joy of Absurdity
Final Destination: Bloodlines thrives on subversion, just when you think someone’s safe, Death’s got another trick up his sleeve. A vending machine becomes an instrument of doom, and every mundane object feels like a loaded gun. The film knows exactly what it is: a schlocky, blood-soaked carnival ride with zero pretences of being high art.
Is it flawed? Absolutely. The emotional core is MIA, the effects are dodgy, and the script could’ve been written by AI trained on early-2000s horror tropes. But if you’re a horror fan craving that Final Destination rush of gruesome kills, nostalgic winks, and a side of unintentional comedy, then Final Destination: Bloodlines delivers. After all, you’re not watching Final Destination to cry, you’re watching it to see if someone gets decapitated by a ceiling fan.
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